Middle Earth Welcomes Novice Wizards and Witches
by ms-dynamite
Summary: Four unsuspecting Hogwarts students are sucked into Middle Earth and an unsuspecting Man, Elf and Dwarf get lumbered with the job of babysitting whilst tracking two hobbits, fighting off 10,000 Uruk Hai and making it out of Helms Deep alive. ((CHAP TWO))
1. A Very Bad Start To The Day

Middle Earth Welcomes Novice Wizards (and Witches)

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Disclaimer: Well I own nothing here, nothing at all. I don't own Harry Potter but most depressingly I don't own Lord of the Rings *sniffle* I am just borrowing a couple of characters and they shall all be returned only slightly ruffled and creased around the edges, they may need a dry clean afterwards but they should be pretty much alright.

I should also say the title is only half mine, I sorta pinched it from Red Dwarf and 'Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers' but I fiddled with it, obv.

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AN: I only started this cuz I've seen the new LOTR's movie about five times since it opened, (18th) and I'm going to see it again tomorrow and I am barely containing my excitement .. seriously you should see me ... I'm like a rabbit on speed *twitches*

Anyway, this is not a very original concept you know, Harry Potter and co gets inexplicably sucked into Middle Earth yada yada yada ... BUT this is set in the Two Towers. This chapter is painfully short, I know. But I'm not sure whether I'm going to continue with this ... if you want me to you'll have to say so. Nicely.

I am not going to try to explain why Draco gets sucked in too. It's just that it would be no fun without him. There shall be minor Harry and Arwen bashing but *shrugs* I'm a Legolas and Draco fan so what are you going to do? Also if anyone is expecting Frodo, Sam, Merry or Pippin to play any part in this ... lets just say don't get your hopes up, lol.

This has minor slash in it, which is male/male, **but** before you run away screaming it also has male/female. The pairings are A/L with L/H implied and either HG/DM or RW/HG, I haven't decided yet, and before you ask this is a PG/PG-13 ficlet so there will be no, and I repeat no getting jiggy with it, it will happen, yes, but I will not write it, just imply it. 

Got all that? 

Middle Earth Welcomes Novice Wizards (and Witches)

By: ms-dynamite

Chapter One: A Very Bad Start To The Day

None of them knew what exactly had happened, all they knew was that it had and now they were in a heap in a very big field with three very disgruntled looking, and heavily armed, creatures glaring at them.

You see it had all started when Draco Malfoy turned up uncharacteristically late for Potions class. Snape had already sorted the class out into groups to perform a complex potion and the only group that was a member short was Harry's.

Convenient or what? 

The very disgruntled Malfoy was stuck with the wonder trio, and Western Europe's biggest walking disaster, namely Neville. Everything was going scarily well, that was until Neville dropped the vat that contained a sample of the finished article. There was a flash, an 'oops' from Neville and then a thud as they all hit the ground of Middle Earth, which luckily due to recent heavy rainfall was rather soft, so they didn't really land with a thud but more of a squelch. 

"Gerroff me Weasly, you great lump!" came the muffled, yet very pissed off tone of Draco Malfoy as he shoved Ron off him.

Ron was about to reply with his wand when he heard a very curious sound that could only be described as someone notching an arrow to a bow.

"Eeep."

That would be because it was. Ron suddenly found himself staring at the very sharp and pointy tip of an arrow that was attached to a blonde with weird ears, Draco found himself looking down a sword attached to a coat in desperate need of a wash, or burning, and Hermione and Harry, who were still in a heap found themselves looking up at a short, yet oh-so-menacing bearded chap with an axe. 

"Who are you and what is your side?" growled the very unwashed and unshaven owner of the sword that was coming dangerously close to Malfoy's nose.

"My name is Draco Malfoy, and as to my side I have been informed that my left is the best,"

The unshaven one blinked. 

"And you are?" Malfoy continued.

The great unwashed seemed to recover a little, "I am ..." he paused and looked a little shifty, "...Strider, yes, that one'll do, Strider, and I am of the race of Men." pausing he nodded toward the blonde one with the bow and arrow, "This is Legolas son of Thranduil of the Woodland Realm in distant Mirkwood. He is of the race of Elves." Aragorn as he called himself managed to drag his attentions away from the blonde to look to the bearded-weirdo, quite a step down, "That is Gimli son of Glóin. He is of the race of Dwarves." attentions quickly shifted back to Draco. "Name your companions."

Malfoy heaved a great sigh and pointed briefly at the three. "Weasel, Mudblood and Potty. There, happy?"

"Oh shut up, Malfoy." said Harry as he adjusted his glasses. "I'm Harry Potter, this is Hermione Granger and that's Ron Weasley." he paused and looked around him at the very grassy and hilly landscape that surrounded them. "Where are we? Wales?"

Strider was about to respond when the sound of many hooves pounding on the ground was heard, spinning on his heels, Strider spotted a rather large mob or riders. He nodded to the elf and the dwarf and grabbed Malfoy by the scruff of his jacket.

"Hey!"

The elf grabbed Ron and the Dwarf, who obviously couldn't carry both Hermione and Harry due to his rather *ahem* slight stature, glared at them and waved his axe in their rough direction. They took the hint and followed the other two.

Sheltering behind a large group of rocks they all watched as the riders thundered past. Well, most of them watched, Malfoy was too busy straightening out his clothes and muttering unrepeatable sentiments. After a moment Strider stepped out from behind the rocks and called out to the riders. Legolas and Gimli, and the reluctant travellers followed him.

"Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?"

Sliding their mounts to a halt, the riders turned and cantered back to the small group. Encircling them all and trapping them into place, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco found themselves staring at the shiny tip of sharp weaponry for the second time in five minutes when the Riders pointed their spears at the group.

"Today just keeps getting better." muttered Ron as they eyed the menacing, and unwashed, riders.

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Well, um ... yeah. Like I said, short. I might continue ... I might not. Tell me what you think and if you ask nicely I might, sooo .. .REVIEW, pweaze?

Also, no pointless flames, ok? I'll just set my sisters hair on fire with them or something. 

Also, to whomever it may concern, Adrenaline Rushes is still alive and kicking, an unbelievable chain of events occured but it hopefully should be up by this time next week. 

luv an' hugs

ms.d 


	2. A Downward Spiral of Random Weirdness

Middle Earth Welcomes NoviceWizards and Witches

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Disclaimer - Not mine. Don't sue. I am just borrowing them for my own sadistic little pleasures and promise to have them all returned in one piece, in the boxes they arrived in, and all in their appropriate fandoms. 

Though I must apologise in advance if lines get crossed and Ron is suddenly King of Gondor.

It happens, ok?

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AN: Sorry this took so long, I was occupied by a million other things. Somebody who shall not be named, *coughs* TzAmZ *coughs* chucked a Dragolas slash bunny which clamped on my leg and refused to let go .. which reminds me .. I really should send you that, it's been clogging up my lap top for a while now, oops. Bear with me girl.

That and my regular elf muse was ambushed, kidnapped and replaced by an Adam Ant styleé muse … heavy make up, eye liner, landing strip on nose and everything. 

Must apologise for the lack of Potter and co. speaking in this. This bit requires setting of scene .. which invovles LoTR's more. The next chapter shall be focused on the Potter crew. Promise.

Ooh, and thank you to Emma for beta-ing.

Middle Earth Welcomes Novice Wizards (and Witches)

By - ms.dynamite

Chapter Two - A Downward Spiral of Random Weirdness

"Today just keeps getting better and better." Muttered Ron as they eyed the menacing, and unwashed, riders, he was getting the feeling that today was going to be one of those days where you really shouldn't have bothered getting out of bed.

One of the Riders pushed his horse through the rabble and glared menacingly at the group from underneath a very daft helmet with what looked like a cat's tail sticking out the top. "What business does a man, an elf, a dwarf and four strangely clad youths have in my territory? Speak up!"

"Tell me who you are, and I shall tell you who I am." Said Gimli, leaning on his axe and peering up at the Rider through his beard.

The Rider attempted to raise a sceptical eyebrow but found it impossible to achieve with the helmet on his head. Muttering, he hopped of his horse, his armour clunking in the approved fashion as he somewhat waddled towards the group. "I would cut off your head _Dwarf_, if you were a foot or two taller."

There was a blur of blonde and green to Hermione's right and the Rider found himself with an arrow up his nose, ala elf. "You'd find that rather difficult. For you would be dead."

Ah, Legolas has obviously been reading up on how to make friends and influence people because now the rabble of Riders looked thoroughly annoyed and the spears edged ever closer. Strider looked rather worried and leapt forward with a look that screamed, 'I'm moderately sane .. Talk to me!' He gave Legolas a pointed look and gently nudged his arm down, before looking back to the Rider.

"I am Ara-ahahowowowowow-Strider." He corrected, whilst shooting Legolas a death glare and rubbing his side where he had just been stabbed with an arrow. "I am Strider, and Ranger from the North, **not** Aragorn son of Arathorn."

Legolas looked like he was going to strangle Aragorn with his spare bowstring.

Unfazed, Strider-Aragorn continued, "This is Gimli son of Gloin, and Legolas a Prince from the Woodland realm of Mirkwood and these are ... his arms gestured wildly at the four Hogwarts students, all who were starting to look decidedly bored, well, except Hermione who was looking at Legolas with puppy dog adoration, "... these are ... another story entirely.. We are friends of Rohan and of Theoden, your King."

The Rider listened to him carefully before nodding slowly. "All fine and dandy I suppose, but Theoden no longer recognises friend from foe, gone slightly mental you see." He said, tapping a finger to his head, he sighed and removed the crime to fashion known as a helmet. "The name's Eomer."

From somewhere in our group of travellers game a snicker and the mutterings of 'helmet hair.'

Waving his armour clad arm in the rough direction of his rabble and was gifted many sullen looks as the spears were lowered.

Ignoring them, he continued to speak. "This stupid wizard show off, Saruman, has poisoned the mind of the King and pinched these lands. My company are those who are loyal to Rohan and for that we are given the boot. The White Wizard is cunning, he walks here and there as an old man, they say, hooded and cloaked." He paused and shot Legolas a death glare, "And everywhere his spies tiptoe past us."

There was a growl from among the Hogwarts students, and Eomer very nearly found himself under attack from an infuriated Hermione who was fully prepared to rip his head off in defence of her 'true love', but Eomer was saved, once more, by Aragorn. Who also looked like he'd kill, or at least severely maim, Eomer given half the chance. His patience was wearing thin.

"Look. We're not spies, we're not Uruk-hai in disguise. We're cold, we're hungry, we're tired and we're armed. Don't push it." he sighed and attempted to regain composure. "We were tracking a gaggle of Uruk's until we were surrounded.. Have you seen anything."

Eomer, who had looked a teeny bit intimidated, puffed out his chest before he spoke. "The Uruks are destroyed. We saw to them during the night." That was Rohan speak for, 'we got their first! Ha!'

Aragorn went to reply but he was forcibly shoved out of the way by Gimli "But there were two hobbits with them! Did you see two hobbits?"

From somewhere on the ground came Argon's slightly strangled response, "They will be small, you'll think them children."

Eomer shrugged and shook his head. "We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burnt them."

"You mean they are dead?"

Eomer felt like he had kicked a puppy, but returned to his usual state of butch manliness in time to reply. "Yeah, pretty much. Unless Hobbits are fire resistant."

It was now that Harry decided to speak up, "What we need is Dumbledore, because I'm sure that if he were here, he would be able too.."

Hermione who, much to the delight of everyone, slapped him across the back of the head, cutting his little speech short. Legolas turned to her and gave her an award-winning smile.

"Thank you. Otherwise I would have been forced to cut his head off at the elbow."

Hermione's response was to nod maniacally, then she babbled something incomprehensible before giggling like a seven year old.

The elf gave her a small nod before he was very nearly knocked over by a large, grey horse.

"Borrow these horses, and pray to your Gods that you don't meet the same *ahem* ending as their former riders."

"Oh that makes me feel so safe."

Eomer chose to ignore that sarcastic comment from the poncy, and if he was honest, strangely effeminate yet curiously attractive elf, and continued, "Look for your Habit.."

"Hobbit." Aragorn corrected, still in a heap in the mud.

"Whatever, but do not get your hopes up. It's pointless." As he spoke, he mounted his own horse, returned his helmet and nodded to his motley crew of Riders. "We ride North lads!"

The entire group watched the band as they vanished over the horizon.

"Frankly. If that's the state of Rohan, I have never been so glad to live in Mirkwood. Giant blood thirsty spiders and all."

From his spot on the ground Aragorn snickered.

Draco sighed and shook his head, "Well they were charming." He turned back to look at the horses they had been given, he frowned. "Wait a minute. Call them back. We've only got four horses."

"There is no way I'm talking to that lot again. We'll just have to share." Said Aragorn as Legolas pulled him to his feet. "Except me of course."

Legolas let go of his hand, causing Aragorn to squelch back into the mud. "What? I'm the Prince here. I should get the horse to myself." 

"Nope. You're only a Prince. I, on the other hand, am the King of Gondor and of Men."

"Since when? I have been reliably informed that you had chickened out, done a runner and had been wandering the wilds under the title, 'Strider' in the same outfit for five months when you were accosted by that gaggle of hobbits. That caused Arwen to be able to hunt you down and drag you back to Rivendell, kicking and screaming." He gave a small shrug. "Apparently."

"Says who?!"

"Elrond."

"Oh."

***

I know that finished weirdly, but I was tired and my room mate had started playing 'Prince ruddy Charming' over and over and over again. Which is where my Adam and the Ants muse appeared from *sigh* _'Prince Charming, Prince Charming, ridicule is nothing to be scared of. Don't you ever, don't you ever, stop being dandy, showing me you're handsome.' _Etc, etc, lol.

Anyways, spare me a little **review** all you lovely people .. otherwise I shall start to sing 'Stand and Deliver' or 'Puss 'n' Boots' or some other Ants atrocity.

Btw, Adam and the Ants = 80's Brit group. Rather camp. Adam was one of those 'is he gay or not' type people. Did we care? Nope. Would we? Most definetely. ^-^

ms.d


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